Following a long and grueling process involving city officials, city council, the Historic District Commission, and the National Parks Service, the master plan for the redevelopment of the McIntyre building on Daniel Street was finally settled Monday night to become a twenty-four hour public comment space to discuss the McIntyre building project.
“We’ve had a lot of meetings on this important choice for the city,” said Mayor Jack Blalock. “As round after round of public comment on the project continued, the reality of what people wanted sort of bubbled up – a never-ending public comment session for discussion of what to do with the McIntyre building.”
“Finally someone is listening to the people!” said Mark Brighton, who is still interviewed in news stories for some goddamn reason, as he wielded a megaphone set to not-more-than 90 decibels. “What could be a better use of the space than preserving the endless debate on the McIntyre building we all desperately crave? It shall be the pinnacle of democracy!”
“I’m very satisfied with the concept,” commented developer Michael Simchick, who arrived on the scene at the 11th hour with his best superhero landing, for the most dramatic effect. “The density was only part of the issue, but now we have a very real platform for constantly revisiting the design of the McIntyre project. I couldn’t be happier.”
“Simchick away!” he shouted, before pretending to launch himself into the sky and trotting down the street distributing flyers.
The overall plan includes a marble open space, with solid benches and Greek pillars, in the style of the open Athenian spaces of yore, where legendary “concerned citizens” such as Plato and Aristotle had their debates.
“I’ve always thought of myself as like Plato,” said Former Assistant to the Assistant Mayor Jim Splaine, holding the top of his toga in thought. “I guess that would make Brighton sort of like Aristotle. Or maybe Diogenes. One of the critical thinkers.”
City Councilor Chris Dwyer said she hopes that the National Parks Service accepts the plan with no new surprises.
“Whenever I looked up at the asbestos laden walls and prison-like windows of that beautiful architecture, all I could think of was the open energetic dialogue people had getting their social security cards or going through a metal detector,” she said, defeated. “I guess the post office is really like the Parthenon, so whatever.”